It is always better to do something...

About a month before my dad died I was visiting Utah when I saw my old Young Women's leader at church with my parents. Her husband is currently battling pancreatic cancer. She was crying as someone was talking to her. I saw her and instantly turned around and walked the other direction. I had no idea what to say to her, and I doubted that what I could add would even help comfort her at all. I felt awkward. I had never had any type of experience like that and I honestly didn't know what to say. So I did nothing.

Fast forward to March 30, 2012. From the moment I found out my dad died and let a couple of people know there were instantly people at my house. Dear friends that I really needed in the moment. They didn't know what to do either. But they did something. They just showed up, helped me pack, and took me to the airport.

The next day in Utah our house was filled with people. A constant stream of people coming in and out. Whether it was to stop by and give my mom a hug or drop off food, we felt very loved.

Instantly my facebook wall was covered. My email inbox was full. More than 150 comments, messages, and emails. More than 150.... And I read EVERY SINGLE ONE. Each comment lifted my spirits, brought insight, and comforted me. Many were from people who had also lost a loved one. Their insight gave me hope and understanding. Others just let me know they were praying for me and my family. I felt so sustained through those prayers. People came out of the woodwork. Friends I haven't spoken to since high school or even jr. high sent me messages. I felt so loved as I was dealing with my broken heart.

And the funny thing is, there were other people who were very close to me in my life at different periods of time who didn't reach out to me. They didn't send me any messages or emails. They didn't stop by. And I noticed. And I secretly hoped that they had.

Then there were others who went above and beyond. They were my angels. They were the ones like my friend Rachel C. who picked me up from the airport and stayed with me everyday. She brought food. She cleaned my mom's kitchen floor. She listened to our family talk about my dad. She was there every. single. day.  And even after I left she still stops by to visit my family. She lost her mom a couple of years ago, and knew exactly how to comfort my family.

Then there was my friend Julie B. who drove all the way from southern Utah JUST to come to my dad's funeral. A six hour drive. She came for the funeral, then drove back right after. She didn't even know my dad. She was my friend from DC who recently lost her mom. She knew she had to be there for me. She was an angel for me that day.

Then there was my friend Rachel J. She was one of the ones that came immediately to my house after I found out. She hugged me so hard as I sobbed. Then she helped me pack. I couldn't even think straight but I had to leave in a half hour for Utah. She helped get everything ready. Then when I came back she has been a constant listening ear to all my stories about my dad. She also lost her mom a few years ago and understands that it takes more than a month to get over the heartache of losing a parent.

There are other friends who haven't lost someone close but still have been angels. There is my friend Ashlee M. who dropped me off at the airport, and took a half day off work to drive out and pick up our car from the shop so we would have a car when we got back.

My friend Laura H threw me a birthday party with a little help from my husband. She paid for the food, helped with decorating, etc. All because she knew how important it was for me to make sure I felt loved on my birthday.

And then today my friend Melissa S. was a direct answer to prayers. I was having a hard couple of hours. I had just been praying and sobbing about the loss of my dad. Our dinner plans had fallen through and I was starving and too sad to do anything about it. Then she called and invited us over to dinner. It was 6:30 and she figured that we had already eaten, but she called anyway.  She was my angel today.

I could go on and on about all the people who have brought by dinner, weeded our yard, washed our windows, and mowed our lawn. All of the sympathy cards that were sent, all of the small acts of service have been anything but small.

If I have learned anything through this, it would be that I made a big mistake to turn away from an opportunity to comfort a friend. There are some days where I just need a hug. There are other days where having someone telling me that I could call them if I need anything is comforting. There are other days where I really don't even want to talk about it, but I do need a friend.

So if you have a friend that experiences loss, don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing. Don't worry if you don't know what it is like to go through such loss. Just let those you love know that you care and are thinking and praying for them. One of my favorite gifts was a plant from some of my friends that I could plant in my yard in my dad's honor. Such a small but huge way that I felt loved. Another friend of mine who is Catholic gave me this incredible memorial to my dad where it says they will be praying for him often during Mass. Even though we share different faiths, it meant the world to me that she went through so much effort for my dad.

If you really don't know what to do, PRAY to know what to do and how to help. You will know what to do when the time comes. And it might not be right away. It could be a month, or two or three later. When your friend is having a hard day and you feel inspired to call them, or stop by with flowers. Something is always better than nothing.