"One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes."

The following post is incredibly personal. It is one of the most important lessons that I have learned since my dad passed away. It is a lesson that I never would have sought after unless my father was taken away from me. And it is a treasure that I carry with me through the hard times.

What is the lesson? It is this simple truth: you are never alone.

I know that Christ died for us and that no matter what pain that you suffer he has experienced that pain. You are never alone in experiencing pain and hardship. Before my dad died, when I heard that phrase, "you are never alone" I thought that is what it meant. But now I understand it in a more literal sense--meaning that there is always a spirit family member or close friend watching over you. You are literally never alone.

The day after my dad died, Craig and LeAnne Anderson and their daughter Christy came over to our house. The Anderson's where our neighbors when we lived in Layton. Their daughter Christy (or as my dad used to call her--Rice Christy) used to babysit us. While Christy and LeAnne talked to my mom, Craig talked to my brothers and me and told us stories about his dad and his brother. Both had passed away and he shared some personal experiences where he had felt their spirits close to him and his family at different times in his life. Then he suggested that we read the book called The Message. It was a book about a man who was in a coma and had a near death experience. He went to the spirit world and came back and wrote about it.

The next day I saw that someone else had actually stopped by our house and given my mom a copy of that book. So I read it. Many parts really stuck out to me. But this quote sums up the major lesson I learned.

Lance (the man who had the near death experience) had not seen his grandpa Mark since he was 3 years old. He saw him once he entered the spirit world and said, “Oh Grandpa it is so good to see you.” Grandpa Mark replied, “It is so great to see you too Lance… I have enjoyed helping you and your family so much over the past years.”

Lance asked, “What do you mean, how have you helped us?”

Grandpa Mark responded, “Oh Lance you would be surprised how involved many of us are in your lives. In most cases when you pray to God for help, it is your dead relatives and loved ones who are sent by God to help you in answer to your prayers. Thus we weld links and bonds of love within the family forever. The family is the central and eternal unit of our society."

The day after my dad's funeral my grandma had a really hard day. My brother and I went to visit her and my brother gave her a blessing. We then went back home and I took a nap. During that nap I had a dream. Now one of the lessons I learned from serving a mission is that you should pray to learn from your dreams. Sometimes my dreams are crazy, and honestly don't make any sense at all. But sometimes they are as clear as day. During that nap, I had a dream that was pretty clear. My step grandpa Don came to me and told me that he was sent to watch over my grandma. He said that he wanted me to know that he watches over her a lot. Then he gave me two cards. He said they were female names of my ancestors that are ready for me to do their temple work. One was named Emma, and the other name I couldn't remember. Then I asked him why he was giving those to me and not my dad. And he said, "You can't always see the people who are with you the most."

(And the other miracle of this dream is that a couple weeks later I did some research on ancestry.com and found the census records of my 2nd great and 3rd great grandparents. And my 3rd great grandma's name was Emeline, or "Emma" for short. I had never been able to find their records before this point.)

Fatherhood is an eternal calling. My dad is going to be there for me at all the major events in my life. And even the insignificant ones. Just because he doesn't have a physical body anymore, doesn't mean that he is not spiritually watching over me. Once I came to believe that, it allowed me to open my "spiritual eyes" to feel when he is with me. And I know he is with me much more than I recognize just as Don told me. 

For example, I was teaching a pilates class, and my dad came to my mind out of no where. It was like I was imagining him in the back of the room, doing pilates along with all my other students and he was saying, "Hey Ali, look what I can do now! I don't have my belly to get in the way!" And right then a song came on my pandora radio station. It was a song that I listened to over and over when my grandpa died. I knew that my dad had been there. 

And this last trip to Utah when I landed I started to cry, because my dad was the one that used to pick me up from the airport. But then I heard his voice in my head say, "Oh Ali, I am still with you. And I will always be with you when you are coming and going from the airport, just like I always was. I just wish I could help you carry your luggage." Which made me cry even more of course.

I could share a thousand more stories just like these. Experiences that have come because I choose to believe. To have faith over fear. That when my dad comes to my mind, and I think that he "might" spiritually be with me, to just believe that he is there. And to know that if it is not him, then it is other loved ones watching over me. To know that many impressions that come to my mind are most likely whispers from loved ones that have since passed on. They are helping me. And they are helping you. Because you are never alone.

"The Savior has promised angels on our left and on our right to bear us up and he always keeps his word." (Erying, April 2012/ Doctrine and Covenants 84:88) I just feel lucky to know that many times in my life, one of those angels will be my Dad.

(shadows of my mom and dad at the DC temple)

And as if to confirm what I already believed, I opened a fortune cookie the other day and it said, "One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes."