Long Overdue DC Essig Update

The last three months have been somewhat of a blur. While I have been hyper focused on the loss of my father, it seems that life has gone on without me. 

Lets start with Eva, our one year old. 

She is walking. She is talking, and she is a hoot. I love that girl. She loves "baby signing time" and will show you how to sign "baby" pretty much on request. She has also learned to sign more, food, and all done. Her favorite word is "da da." Whenever I ask her to say "ma ma" or "mom" she will immediately reply "da da!" She knows when her dad comes home and will run to the door saying, "da da da da." But she does know "mom" and she usually only says it when she really wants something. She knows how to get what she wants... She is also really good a saying, "no no no no no." And I think her second favorite word is "hi." She says it to everyone. She is a very social girl.

Eva is definitely the light of our life right now. 

(Blueberry picking)

 (4th of July bike ride)

(decorating with mom)

 (levi diapers, too cute)

(Jazz music at the sculpture gardens)

Lincoln

Lincoln is really enjoying his job as a patent attorney. He works a lot, but does a good job balancing work with his other demands. Since he has his own office in our new house, he works from home at least once a week, which Eva and I love. It is nice to have him around for lunch or a little play time during the day. He is also serving in the Bishopric in the singles ward. We have absolutely loved being in the singles ward again (but this time as a married couple :) We have made some incredible friendships (because lets be honest, we are both young enough to still be in the singles ward if we were not married.) We are often hosting singles events in our home (FHE, luncheons, etc) so we couldn't be more grateful for the extra space we have in our new house. Lincoln does a really good job at balancing his family life, church life, and work life. Even though he is a busy man, we feel like we get a lot of quality time together. 

(L+A=Eva) 

Alisia

I have never been asked "how are you doing" as much as I have in the last three months, and to be honest, I am doing really well. Life in DC is busy. Which is incredibly helpful for me during this sad time. Sometimes it is nice to be too busy to just sit and mope. It is what I personally need.

Soon after quitting my full time job on Capitol Hill,  I was asked to work for a political campaign (Mia Love for Congress) handling all press interview requests. I get to work from home doing what I love, which is a dream job for me. It requires a couple of hours a day, but Eva is really good at entertaining herself when I need to focus on work. I am also teaching pilates still. I am teaching about 15 hours a week at 4 different places. It gets me out of bed every morning. (I teach a lot of early morning classes)  And when I have to teach in the afternoon, Eva loves hanging out with her babysitter more than being with me. We are both very social people, so It is nice for both Eva and I to get some time apart from each other for an hour or two every other day. Plus the natural endorphins that come after working out have been very therapeutic.  It is almost harder for me to go on vacation than to be home staying busy because I miss teaching pilates and having my "me time." It has helped me a lot. 

I am also serving in the Young Women in our family ward. I generally attend part of the singles ward and part of the family ward every Sunday. I love it. I love going to "mutual" every Wednesday night. And I love our Young Woman. I am learning a lot and very much enjoying the other wonderful ladies who serve as counselors with me. It is like I get a girls night every Weds night. What could be better than that?

I also can't help but think that Lincoln serving in the singles ward has been a huge blessing for me with my dad's death. I have met a lot of people in that ward who have also lost their father. I have gained so much strength through their insight. It is nice to talk to someone who understands completely what you are going through. On Father's Day we even had a Dead Dad Dinner Group (DDDG) where we had dinner and talked about our dads. It was exactly what I needed. These ladies have taught me so much. I hope to still be as faithful and hopeful as they are as the years go on when I think of my dad. 

 (Duck Beach)

(horses on the beach in the Outer Banks)

And of course, a few more thoughts on my dad.

Sometimes I get a little jealous when I look at Lincoln play with Eva. I look at her and I think, "Eva you still have a dad that is alive.... and I don't anymore." And then it hits me. I did have that same time with my dad. I did have him throw me up in the air so high that I thought I could fly. I did have him tickle me so hard that my laughs would turn to cries. I did get so happy to see him come home from work. I did play King of the Bed with him on Saturday mornings. And every time I see Eva interact with Lincoln, instead of feeling jealous, because my loving father was taken from me, I can feel lucky that I actually get to SEE the time that I DID get to spend with him. And even though I don't remember it all, As Eva grows I can look at her spending time with her dad and be reminded of how much time I was able to spend with mine.

 When I think about surviving life after the death of a loved one, what Lincoln's cousin Mandy posted on facebook was perfect.  Mandy lost her son a year ago. This is what she said:

Dear friend, 

When you meet me unexpectedly on the street, please don't hesitate to talk to me. I know we haven't seen each other in awhile and a lot has happened since our last meeting. Like, my life has changed. Please recognize the elephant in the room. Don't be afraid to acknowledge what is common knowledge. For example, don't be afraid to say my son's name. I can't hear it enough. Because every time someone talks about my boy, my broken heart mends a little more. In essence, you are not hurting me, you are helping me. Be kind. Be patient. And - please - still be my friend. 

Love, A Grieving Mother

Obviously I don't know what it is like to lose a child, but the same principles apply. Feel free to ask me how I am doing. Feel free to ask about my dad. I love talking about him. Feel free to ask me how I am dealing with it. Because you never know if you will hear something that will help you go through a similar trial later on in your life.

I am glad that I was being prepared from listening and reading and seeing other friends deal with the loss of a loved one. Little did I know that when it happened to me, I would cling to the lessons I learned from them.